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32 Lavender Lad


About Mena

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  • Birthday 04/02/1982

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  1. If it was after a mentally draining experience it might be psychological. If so that with need some healing. Do you have someone to talk to about the "mind breaking" experience? Anxiety can mess with blood pressure. you can rule out a medical issue if it contiunes though. Do you have a regular doctor?
  2. I get a lot of visual distrubances. The last I had that really tripped me out was this large orb that was white and static, meaning it was pulsating. I wasn't doing anything at the time so that was interesting. It took about an hour to go away and made me feel very disoriented. I just laid down and did breathing exercises. Did you google it? Is it like like a fog or haze? Do you feel anything else or is it just a visual thing?
  3. Duncan Aubrey Marcus Cory Allen those are my top 3 at this time. If I am going through something and can't get out of my head I go back and relisten to podcasts that were especially inspiring to me if there is nothing new to listen too. When there is something new to listen to though, it always seems as if I can directly relate the topic of the podcast to my current situation, this always blows my mind. I have also found that the majority of inspiration I experience, when I am really in need comes from everyday interaction. I didn't list any friends or family members because I don't necessarily have certain people i seek out but when I stumble upon an interaction and I find myself being honest with how I am feeling, anyone can inspire me to stop recycling the old thoughts and think of things in a fresh way...even if the person just laughs at me. And watching kindness between strangers, that always pulls my head out of a dark spot.
  4. So meditation is going as expected. Last week I was solid, I didn't miss a day. This week it is Thursday and I still have not completed 1 minute. My sister is in town for the first time in 2 1/2 years. Excuses excuses. I am doing it right after this. It is very important to me so not sure why I push it to the back burner. Last week when I was being consistent I was feeling pretty good. Even though I skipped a few days in a row now I still feel better prepared for my sisters visit then I would have been without working out a few things out. Me and my sister had a huge falling out the last time I saw her. At times I have felt that she purposefully tries to hurt me but I know that is not true. During meditation i have been really trying to focused on being an observer of my ego, trying to not give it so much power. I have fallen back on that many times in order to keep control during these last few days, being the observer that is. My sister has told me a few family drama filled stories where I come out looking like the "black sheep" once again. Instead of seeing her with a knife twisting it into my heart, I am trying to looking at her as a messager with intention. It is hard and I have fallen to my ego a few times since she has been home. I am finding myself explaining and trying to justify as she hands me judgement and a feeling of inadequatences. I see myself clinging to this judgements like I care, but I know I don't. Do I believe these opinions she has shared with me are what I need.
  5. Yes...and it was one of the most amazing times I have ever had. To describe it would leave me fumbling over my words. Without distraction of other people's energies I was able to flow with the expereince so flawlessly. It was the least resistance I have ever felt, and the most connection I have ever felt. Very introspective, very peasceful, and self loving.
  6. I didn't get a chance to see it but a friend of mine text me after and said he couldn't even describe it to me at the moment becuase he felt like he was "tripping". I have also been a skeptic, I have even skipped podcasts about it becuase it almost scares me. I tired the Samsung something-or-other VR goggles the other day though and i was totally geeked out, amazing. @Knowayoutwhere did you watch it?
  7. Sober is refreshing and gives a clarity to the mind that most of us who have a love affair with marijuana want to believe doesn't exist. Beside a few small hits when hanging out with friends I had recently quit smoking for 2 months. The longest I had made it before that would maybe be a week at a time. My mind always tells me when it is time to cut back but this 2 month stretch was so easy, I never even realized the time had past. For me weed can amplify whatever I am experiencing emotionally. When I am good, it's all good, but when I am bad it is difficult to keep ahold of my anxiety and negativity toward myself. My dreams are actually more vivid and occur more often whenever I am going through a switch, like for the first week of being sober I have intense dreams and then for the first few days of smoking again I will have dreams that are not only clear but so meaningful that I am in disbelief that they are not actually happening. The best I can describe the vividness of those dreams is just to say I feel awake and when I do wake up my body feels rested but my mind is exhausted like I never slept. Over the last few years I have traced my desire for marijuana. Of course I go back and forth with my understanding but what I have come to is, it is medicine and I must treat it as such. When I over use, I am no longer respecting what that substance does for me. When I feel the urge to smoke or use an edible (my preferred) I know I am in need of some self exploration, some tough love and then some bliss and forgiveness. Then once I get a taste of that reality, especially the bliss and ease that comes with remembering how foolish I have been for not "letting go" I don't want to stop and I can easily get carried away and begin smoking daily again. I just keep going with the cycle and enjoy the offs and ons and keep focusing on finding the balance. Oh and I am not saying that I don't enjoying smoking for enhancement of music, art, conversation, writing, food, sex, and overall experience of course I do that! I am just saying any plant medicine with wisdom has an opportunity to do work. Sometimes that work is simple and sometimes it is deeper...deeper though and weed doesn't have time for that so we keep coming back for more.
  8. @HackYourMindhello from a new member!
  9. This place is great. Thank you for creating it @duncan
  10. So I read this thread when it started and now I have read it again. I still feel the same as I read it the first time...really, is this really what the most relevant thing is to talk about? "Duncan's political agenda". Seems like it was a thread title that appeared sarcastic but pulled a political discussion nonetheless. This shit is confusing. I don't keep up on politics, not sure how to, even if I wanted to. We can't change the wheel now, not in an instant. We can all talk but just talking doesn't create change. The canidiate are already here we can't go back now. What are most conversations for anyway...to expand the mind past where you currently are, no matter what that means. And you know what happens when your mind wants to expand but then there is no room for it to? You expereince pain...and when we hurt we act crazy, like how most of us feel right now in the wake of seeing our country make so many weird decisions and we can't do anything about it right now but choose to vote or not vote, and to choose what will make your vote count the most. @duncansince I have started listening to your podcast I have gained this...to me, you appear to be spreading our heart and thoughts into the world to encourage others to do the same. You mirror for us what a human looks like. We hear you go through life ups and downs, we hear you admit when you ego is out of control, and we hear you change your mind sometimes or continue to develop our thought on something. You're passionate, speak well, and sound confident even when you feel wrong. sounds pretty normal...sounds like what most of us do. So what is your agenda @duncan? Cuz I am pretty sure it is not to keep your listeners locked down by the machine of consumerism, hate, and social hierarchy. I believe you want us to have all the information we can have, I believe you speak to us as you would a group of friends...so before you speak to a group of friends do you make sure every word that you speak is 100% truth and once you speak do you force yourself to never change your mind for fear of causing suspicion? Right... I just find it a little funny that instead of just talking about the possibilities of the future, of the presidency and our country, the topic of "does Duncan Trussell have an agenda" seemed more interesting. If he does I would just assume it was something simple. Like ask yourself a this "how do you start a revolution?", I heard a pretty cool guy ask this question before...and the answer to the question might just be a sweet and simple agenda.
  11. Meditaion has been going good. The struggle of trying to be consistent with anything is present but oh well so is life. I am not giving myself any compliments or criticism at this point. I had a intense expereince over the weekend with edible cannabis that was seriously helpful. Bless the cannabis spirits for the lessons that are shown to me always at the right times. I know I am not living an optimal life and I know I am not doing terrible. I sat with sadness for quite some time and I feel slightly removed from that so progress.
  12. Tough to say...how is one to know anything. Sometimes I tell myself if I can't make a decision then it is not time to make one. Sometimes I force myself to decide becuase sitting with indecisiveness can be draining. The great thing about "moving on", it really can be anything. Moving on can literally be done by moving in any direction and the size of the move makes no difference. Honestly, you could drive yourself mad by trying to make a decision. or you could stop thinking about it. Thinking is the worst sometimes. have you spoken to her? Do you know if she would like to try again in a relationship or just stay friends? You could always try to talk to her about this, what you think went wrong before and why she is on your mind more lately. Her reaction might help you decide. Or if you are enjoying the friendship connection and are just wondering if it will grow into anything in the future then just flow with it. don't over think it. The more you think about it the more confusing it is Ego is a mother fucker it is not always clear what is ruling our behavior at times. The one thing that usually helps me is just feeling more comfortable with my thoughts. Let them come and go, try not to hold on to anything and over think it. Sometimes I literally say "stop it", sometimes I distract myself, sometimes I sit with it and just see where the feelings go, and sometimes I talk about it. I guess what I am trying to say is that trying to move on from something is difficult and there is so many ways to do it but the best is always don't get carried away and trapped in your head. I am struggling with a relationship decision as well, it is so hard at times. All I try to do for myself is my best at the moment and I hope you do the same. Fuck the past and forget about the future, focus on the present moment and try to flow with it. Find a balance between feeling "stuck" and patience.
  13. What episode is this?