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  1. Today
  2. IKILLKINGS#6800 add me ya fucks
  3. hey dude! I mostly play WoW with a bit of Hearthstone on the side. IKILLKINGS#6800 will add you - anyone else seeing this is welcome to add me!
  4. hi ammihi - this is a great post - you described a lot of my own thoughts in your words. i'd expand my thoughts more on this - but now is not the time - just wanna say i appreciate you sharing your perspective.
  5. I've gone through the same thing and know plenty of people personally whose relationships to weed has changed over the years. Especially on that trajectory of loving it and then becoming fearful of it because it doesn't treat you the same anymore. I used to be bummed about it too because it was that escape that made everything better and was better for you than drinking. I still feel that way a little bit but I've also just accepted myself as a nonsmoker because I choose not to feel socially anxious anymore. BUT I do think it's a psychological thing - once you've had an anxious, hyperaware high, you kinda carry that into your next high forevermore. It's kinda like psyching yourself out. I believe I could push past it if I wanted too, but I don't really want to. I don't spend money on it and I like my sober self. Why break the barrier unless you feel really truly connected to it? You can still be into stoner culture and not smoke. Most of my friends are stoners and I like stoner music and have a kinda stoner attitude without actually being high. I like psychedelics because some how that's more manageable to me. Idk, mate. I wouldn't worry, too much. It happens to the best of us. If you'd truly like to continue getting high, then keep pushing for that experience but try to go into it with more mindfulness and peace before you smoke. Try easing into it with really close friends, listening to really good music or doing something "safe" that you love.
  6. I know everyone has already gone through this except for me, and i sound like a broken record in my head lately. I've tried not to sound as much like one to my friends/fam cause I know how irritating and redundant someone who is heartbroken can be. I just have never gone through this. All my other relationships weren't really that real or deep. I never experienced the heartbreak. This time is different. I feel soooooooo miserable and I'm recognizing deplorable feelings inside of me. Anger, jealousy, controlling behavior, pettyness, sadness, fear of being alone. It was a mutual breakup, I recognize that we had problems. But once it started becoming real I got cold feet and wanted to stay. He didn't. He's over it. He knows it's the right thing to do and feels confident on his path alone. I guess I just thought we could always work through anything. This relationship also taught me how much I'm willing to sacrifice myself to stay committed and nurturing to another person even if we're not right for eachother. I feel weak. I know deep down it's the right thing to do, as well, and that we need to grow as individuals. I know this rationally but emotionally I'm reacting in crazy ways. I remember Duncan Trussell talking about breaking up and how sad it is when one party says "But what about everything I've DONE for you?" or something along those lines. That's me right now. "how can you just throw it all away?!" I'm trying not to act out on it towards him but this is what I'm going thru in my head. So much anger. It's so petty and a clear resistance to let go. I know he wants to move on but I'm like, how do you just move on after spending years together? Why don't you want to talk to me anymore and all I want is to reach out and talk to you? It feels like there's nothing to say anymore and that drives me crazy. How can we go from being so close to nothing at all? How do I come home to an empty house and not be haunted by thoughts of him sleeping with other girls, or feeling abandoned, feeling lonely? I haven't been lonely in years and now being confronted by silence and my own thoughts I'm just kinda disgusted with the fact that I have not the slightest clue of how to be alone and not feel fearful and sad...and I recognize that was part of the problem in our relationship. I gave too much of myself up and was comfortable trading autonomy for security and validation from one individual, and he was for a while, too... until he wasn't. So, any words of wisdom dealing with being confronted by your shadow self when it comes to codependency and loneliness? How do I begin to just let go and accept what's happening, and move on? And, finally, will I ever stop crying? I'm serious. I really just want to feel less miserable and while you're in the midst of feeling miserable it's hard to believe that it will ever end. Will it ever end? My rational brain says yes, but right now I'm living in a total pain body that I'm having a hard time getting out of. Also how the heck do I become a strong individual to come to the point where I'm not willing to trade in autonomy and personal happiness for security and validation from a partner. Why do I feel like I need him to be here for me even if we're not really promoting each others growth? Thanks ahead for the psychoanalysis and encouraging words. -Amy H.
  7. Yesterday
  8. perhaps people irritate you because they are irritating. simple. mystery solved.
  9. Honestly I spend a lot of time feeling feelings. One thing I've noticed abt anger is that it tends to occur secondarily to another emotion as a response to that emotion. Sadness, jealousy, embarrassment, disappointment tend to be the primary emotions that I feel before I feel anger. If I let myself fear the primary emotion and let it do it's feeling thing than I can usually cope and respond to it in a healthy way. If I don't let myself feel it that is when I usually rage out in a self-destructive way. Want less anger, explore the feeling you feel right before anger and FEEL IT also check out the Atlas of Emotions the Dalai Lama helped create, it is a rly nice beautiful map for feeling and emotions http://atlasofemotions.org/
  10. ad homenim is the default state f reality this is not acceptable under any circumstance
  11. drugs only show you what you are capable of. in every other regard, they are over-rated and bad for you for the most part.
  12. idk life is just a formulation of our natural inclination towards one fallacy or another.
  13. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D6cngTn2_NY
  14. i have a certain drive towards not necessarily what's right but what is going to be revelatory and mind-opening. so i act somewhat compulsively but it's a step over just being ahedonic or whatever. it's like trying to always be ahead of myself. on top of that, i know that objective principals are always to be followed to exactness. there's no internal debate--just do what is the best in that moment and refuse to give into a state which does not extend past what i think is ideal (being that said ideals are always temporary).
  15. yeah, i guess. but... why the fuck do we have to segregate each other in our ideology and not just classify ourselves are globally progressive in any way we can muster? maybe it's natural to separate each other in that way previously, and the ironic thing is that we're living in a society which requires diverse thoughts and people (which does create the problem of relativism ofc) while previous societies did nothing but destroy each other over these things to eradicate them. i mean, what does this imply about the nature of our place in history?
  16. I'm with you. I just get paranoid without any connective reasonable thought as to why. Used to love it, now I just avoid it. I was bummed about it for a while, but I became a lot more productive as an outcome. It is a sad passing of a time thought, and I don't know that it happens to everyone Sounds like not everyone feels this way about it.
  17. I know some people, actually a lot of people, get addicted to marijuana. But I've always found that it has a sort of self-regulating mechanism to it. It really does seem to be a wise plant, and it knows what to "say" to me to get me to face whatever shit I don't want to face but should. Perhaps "the green bitch", as Hancock as called her in the past, is giving you a sign that it's time to adjust your path a little bit. When you smoke, the plant is doing work on you, whether you know it or not. Just play around with the idea that plants (and fungi) are intelligent beings. There is wisdom in the plants maaaaan. If she's telling you to give it a break, listen.
  18. A lot of ground is covered in your inquiries, but I'll just share this in regards to your question of whether or not "the internet going to pave the way for the future by giving us more exposure to content or are we going to endlessly shuttle ourselves into more and more of a closed loop whereby we just sit at home wondering fruitlessly what happened to the rest of the world" I think what you're sort of talking about is a lifestyle enclave https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifestyle_enclave This would be the equivalent of only being part of "echo chamber" type communities where nobody is presented with conflicting information. I don't necessarily think that is even a bad thing though, maybe sometimes it can be, but not always. For example, should I make it a point to visit far right-wing news sites so that I don't become too narrow minded? I honestly don't think that is worth my time; you have to weigh the validity of whatever content it is you want to consume. I think the wide range of expression that the internet allows for is great. Instead of a field full of just corn or the same fucking plant, we get a field full of a billion different kinds of plants. Ideas are going to take hold wherever the soil is fertile and the conditions are right for that particular one. Some areas of the field with very different plants may not be frequented, and may not even serve a purpose other than just... being. And that's okay.
  19. yeah, i think some of this is like me getting caught up in the loop of responsibility vs. enjoyment because in adult life the two often intermingle and can be indistinguishable in certain scenarios. or maybe i'm feeling some kind of deeper almost libidic drive of the collective consciousness to want things to unify. because there's so much action that occurs in the individual's life that makes them feel like a unique individual and then there's a dissolution again as they find that many people share experiences and opinions and that their voice ultimately amounts to nothing but essentially a "vote" in the grander scheme of what culture develops into. because i mean, information wants to dissolve and become objective by assimilating all possible sources and even in the sense opinions (which are subjective) are formed want to become known for the sense in which they measure to each other just like political parties want to become a singular herd which overcomes the other opinion. but then again, i don't know why people are so vehement in their opinions when there are so many people occupying the opposite belief. it's like radicalism is the norm. you HAVE to believe the shit out of your beliefs or you will not introduce actual momentum/"sway" to bring about change which in theory should be the only goal. i always kinda had this problem of not associating with one side or another in such issues. which is also born (not to mention contributed to the original creation of) of my ideas which are supposed to address wholistic society in a way which reworks the fundamentals rather than re-routing specific votes to make subjective change. and then there's just the "i'm not reading things i am just tripping off of words at this point feeling" i get. which is annoying because...i think most of it just amounts to predictability and then i wonder why people bother to associate themselves with ideas that are already obvious/existent in their own way.
  20. I'd be far more interested in the 'paranormal' if the 'normal' was a little more ironed out.
  21. It was bound to happen. It will probably happen again. Its trendy. They may get pushed underground, and they'll rot the floorboards. Its like a chinese finger trap. Or like naughty children. They'll get worse if you beat them, and worse if you treat them. They run on sjw rage. Antifa gives them what they want without either side knowing it. Hate dorks and justice dorks looking for something to do. Justice dorks are better, but they're just giving the psychos someone to kill. They'll just ramp up after Boston. Imagine if they made Boston a ghosttown. The nazis would have no one to yell at. No one to kill. The young ones would get bored, and maybe move on. HARMONY PEOPLE. Sometimes the teter toter is intense, but its still harmonious. Can't rush progress. Old dummies take notice and inspire young dummies. Then ya gotta wait even longer for dummies to die. All this because rednecks are easy comedic targets, and dorks with helicopter parents are envious of genuine rebellion and cause. So they find trans pets, and easy enemies. Jenner feels kinky, kids hop on board so they can pat themselves on the back and feel unique in a sea of profile pics. Now we have Trump and looming civil war. "Well alot of people felt forgotten." BOLLOCKS. Alot of dopes who could care less we're on FB like everyone else; and picked a brash retard to run the show because they were butthurt over the word privlege. This shit ain't over. By the fucking way, nazi's have been killing people for decades! Now iphones can show how much everyone "cares". That is until "How I met your mumford and big bang sports" comes on. FUCK!!!.........Sorry.
  22. Only you get to decide whether whatever you're doing is pointless or not. Why does it need a point? Do you think it needs one? If aesthetics are endlessly clashing, then they are consistent. Which is harmonious. It is both benificial and devisive. In harmony. My guess is that the loops will get tighter before they get bigger. But thats irrelevant, if you become the explorer of loops. A mainframe culture would eliminate the role of loop explorer. A world of burning man, or any other dominant mainframe would not last. Dubstep is the only non failure since the 60's!?!? Fucking hell!? What is failure then? Dubstep is success!? Most people run on physical sensation. So yeah, until we evolve; drugs are gonna be big. Also, altered states make for plenty more loops to explore. As fortunate as children are to not have hangups; they occupy small loops. They have yet to eat from the tree of knowledge. Dig? We are partly physical in a partly physical world. So why not move our meat around the rock we're on? Not everything happens, or is recorded on the internet. It costs alot to move around the rock because no one has eliminated money yet. And within the very old, very big loop of money/gas is expensive.
  23. Avoiding whats disgusting according to your personal moral sensibilities. I'd say grossing yourself out with your own actions is how you loose it.
  24. I sort of feel like everyone creates their own mini cultures and sub-culture with what's surrounding them/people close to them and what they're into. For example, people who listen to the DTFH are a part of the sub-culture of DTFH-listeners. I think there is sort of a dominant "internet" culture that arises from the "filter-bubbles" and logarithms used in lots of social media platforms, which I find unfortunately toxic for the most part, but there's such a vast amount of other things you can consume internet-wise (music, podcasts, TV, movies, articles, books, art, etc.) that makes it easier to access things you (and other people) enjoy that might be less popular, which I consider a huge advantage. I guess I'm sort of happy that the internet is so scattered, because it means that there is more room for people to explore outside of the dominant, more popular culture and find like-minded people to share in "sub-cultures" with. I'm not sure if that's totally related to what you originally mentioned, but that's what it made me think of! Best,
  25. I'm really enjoying the new Washed Out album in general, but this is my favourite track on it
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